Winter Poem

Like I said in the last post, in english class we are currently studying sonnets. Now this following poem isn't quite a sonnet, as some syllables don't fit the ten count rule, so it's 'sonnet based'.

I decided to start this with 'Shall I compare thee to a winters day' - A Shakespeare line, but as the subject is winter, i changed the summer to winter. Please suggest any improvements, as this is a first draft and could do with editing.

Shall I compare thee to a winters day?
Pure white surrounds, no sign of grey,
Is thee as graceful as a crystal snowflake?
Or such a stunning sight as a ice frosted lake?
Does she behold the shimmer of the snow?
Which causes awh with its enlightened glow,
As effortless as a bird swoops through the sky,
Or as gentle as snow drops appear to fly?
Can thee grant such joy and glee?
And let the inner innocense finally run free?
If she does possess qualities so fine,
I am truly blessed that I can call her mine.

Now that was wrote in a male-female point of view, so when I have chance to edit it, I may change the 'she' to 'he'.