Hello,
Just quickly wrote a new poem. Now you see, I like law, so it's based around that. The rhyming style is slightly different to what I normally do, but it's unique, so I like it.
Deadly Chase
My dusty fingerprints etched in stone,
Technology will reveal the clues,
No going back, it's there on show,
I guess it's better I lay low.
Creeping on the crime scene,
Covering up my tracks,
No-one knows where I have been,
Stop them finding out.
No time for waiting, I must go,
Can't have the suspect there on show,
The police know me by my face,
It will never end,
This deadly chase.
Definitley not my favourite, but I think it's ok. I edited this one as before the rhyming went overkill.
Will update soon!
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2 comments:
Rhyming can be a bit overkill (hey, not everyone gets to be Marilyn Hacker), but parts of it really work here. I've said before how I liked the first stanza. I think the shifts between the images really works here. I've never liked the rhyme "sly" with anything (isn't there a nursery rhyme that uses it?), so the second stanza doesn't seem as strong to me.
I'd actually try rewriting this without the rhymes, or even from the point of view of the criminal, because there is figurative potential of the images here, and another form might take better advantage of it.
Yes I definitley agree. Thank you for the feedback, I really do appriciate it, and will take your advice and re-write it soon!
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